Why doing everything “right” isn’t always enough

A story about how strategies that once served me well quietly stopped working – and what I did about it.

“They call it middle-aged spread for a reason”

“I’m afraid it’s inevitable at your age”

For the last 3 years, my weight has been slowly creeping up. To the point where I was the heaviest I’d ever been, and elasticated clothes was normal (thank you Halara!).

It was annoying, but I just accepted it. I was being told it was normal and most of my friends (and my husband) weren’t as slim as they once were either. I still cooked from scratch and had a pretty balanced diet. OK, slightly too many evening snacks, but I was still exercising regularly and felt fit enough, even if a little heavy.

Of course I tried to get the excess weight off. Like most people, my weight has always fluctuated. If I got too heavy in my 30s, I simply had to increase my exercise levels, and the problem would sort itself out. In my 40s, I had to be more careful about what I ate (processed carbs seemed to be particularly problematic) and MyFitnessPal helped me to reduce my calories.

But since the menopause, none of this worked.

I was frustrated. I was doing everything ‘right’. I was using techniques that had given me results before, so why wasn’t that working this time?

The Moment of Truth

In November, when I had to pay the balance on the ski holiday, something inside me said ‘enough is enough’. I decided that I was absolutely NOT taking this extra weight up the mountain. Ultimately, it will not be good for my knees, and I might struggle (more than normal) to keep up with others.

My friend had recently started a new nutrition programme, and had lost almost a stone and half in 6 weeks.

Recognising that I needed to mix things up and do something different, I reluctantly checked it out.

And it WAS reluctant. I felt like a failure having to ask for help with something that should be straightforward; something I’ve always managed to do on my own in the past; something that was going to cost me money and disrupt my routine.

But I swallowed my pride and signed up.

Six weeks later, I’ve lost almost a stone and am back to the top-end of what I consider to be my ‘normal’ weight range. I feel tons better, and it hasn’t been hard to do. I know that skiing will be easier, and my salopettes won’t keep popping open!

Why doing everything ‘right’ wasn’t enough

I’ve reflected on why this worked when what I’ve always done (with success) in the past, didn’t work this time.

Three main things come to mind:

Knowledge: I didn’t know what I didn’t know. The dietary decisions I was making were based on slightly out of date/incomplete information. Through tracking my food previously, I knew that my protein was lower than it should be, and my carbs were higher. But I didn’t fully understand the importance of that. Plus, I couldn’t see how to address the balance without adding calories, so nothing significant changed. I didn’t appreciate that I needed to fuel my body differently, and now I’ve learned how to do that.

Habit and Assumption: I was happy with my meals and my exercise patterns. They have served me well for all my adult life. I was tweaking what I did but I was still bound by old ‘rules’: Listen to your body and eat when you’re hungry (but then you are more likely to over-eat); three square meals a day is best (but actually, keeping the body fuelled by eating little and often seems to work better); you must eat 5-a-day (but too much can fill you up and there’s more to a healthy diet than the nutrients you get from fruit and veg).

My environment had changed: This was the biggest factor. I was making diet and exercise decisions based on a body that was 20 years younger. Menopause alters all of the internal chemistry, and that means that my old routines, habits and meals – which were great for me then – weren’t always the right things for me now. I simply hadn’t factored that in.

But there was also the element of accountability. Because I was determined, I didn’t see this as critical to my success, but knowing that someone is going to ask you about what you’ve done, what you plan to do, and the results you achieved really does focus the mind!

What this has to do with Learning and Development

I realised that many of the same reasons stop experienced L&D professionals asking for help. First and foremost, they don’t realise they would benefit from it – after all, they KNOW what they’re doing; they’ve been doing it successfully for years. This may well be you!

However…

• What if you are missing out of new ideas and approaches simply because you’re not looking for them? Things that can enhance what you already do?
• What if your approach (to design) is cumbersome and slowing you down?
• What if you are ‘stuck in a rut’ and the revolutionary approach you took 20 years ago is now very middle of the road?
• What if your environment or market has subtly changed over the years, but you haven’t fully adapted to that?
• What if you keep meaning to refresh your workshops and programmes but never get around to it because no-one is demanding it?

When I work with my nutrition coach, I listen to her advice; I take her suggestions on board and implement most of them BUT ultimately, it’s my choice. Sometimes I take her ideas and adapt them to include some of my own. Sometimes I share my plans and see how she would tweak them to make them better. I have to decide what will work for me, and where the lines are that I’m not prepared to cross. In the end, it’s down to me to implement the plans!

In much the same way, when L&D professionals work with me in a short 1-1 session or as a member of the VIP community, they get the benefit of my ideas and insights. However, they are still very much in charge, and they decide what to implement and how.

You don’t always need help because you don’t have the knowledge or skills. Sometimes, it’s simply about making things easier, sharing the load, reigniting your spark, and making the changes you keep meaning to, but never quite get around to on your own.

In 2026, I’m limiting the number of VIP places in our community to 100, so I can work with each and every person properly. But ANYONE can book me for a 1-1, so why not get in touch and see how I can help you nudge you forward as we start a new year?

If you want to kick start 2026, why not work with me? It can be a single 60-minute session, or ongoing support all year round (and anything in between).